You know that thing that’s wrong with you?
That thing that is your biggest flaw, and that you wish were gone?
Like that you’re…
- getting old, or don’t have a partner, or a nice house?
- too weird, impatient, fat, mean, or uptight?
- not quite smart enough, or you don’t have enough friends or success?
- stuck in a dead-end job or not living up to your potential?
- a loser because you never wrote that book, or published in that journal, or painted that amazing picture?
We all run in circles, obsessively trying to fix that flaw so that we can be lovable.
What if you never have to change or improve what’s wrong with you to be lovable?
Even if, for the rest of your life you have that problem, that thing, you are still lovable.
When I heard this recently from my mentor, Simone Seol, I thought…
That can’t be right.
I mean, it sounds nice, but….
FIRST, I have to lose weight, be more calm, be nicer, have a nice house, THEN I can love and accept myself, and other people will love and accept me.
Even if you NEVER fix that problem, never improve, never change, you’re still already lovable, right this exact minute.
Here’s an example from my life…
Two of my problems are that I’m too uptight, and that I consider myself a failure at my business because I’ve never made $100k in a year at my business.
I can’t accept those two things. They are NOT okay. And I’m not okay as long as I have them.
That’s what I’ve always thought.
But if I pretend for a minute that what my coach says is true….
…that even if I never change and until my last breath I am uptight and a failure at business, I would still be lovable and enough right now.
I never need to become “relaxed” — whatever the f*ck — that means.
I never need to make over $100k in a year for my business.
Still 100% lovable. Still tots okay.
The reason I know this crazy talk is true…
... is that my husband Lobsang thinks that it’s not okay that he doesn’t read or speak English perfectly, and that he takes “too long” to learn things.
I fell in love with him, in part, because of the adorable way he speaks English, and can’t spell to save his life, and because he is so earnest and dedicated and persevering in his studies, even though they don’t come quick sometimes.
So my question to you is…
What is that thing you think is a problem that you can’t accept about yourself?
And what if that thing is actually part of what makes you lovable right now?
What if the fix for your biggest flaw is embracing it, loving it, accepting it, and finding it endearing and charming and lovable?
Think about it, my beautiful, perfectly imperfect friend.
These simple self-care tools (and others) helped me to calm my anxiety, lose weight, stop working every night and weekend, ease up on the self trash talk, appreciate my life, retire early and grow my bank accounts.
For sure, it’s not all rainbows and sparkles 24-7. I still have plenty of crap-tastic moments, but now I have incredible tools that make a world of difference in my daily life.
I would love to help you too! If you’d like to get my regular self-care tips for women, join my email list (and get my personal top ten self-care ideas, with a checklist).